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重要 管理員 - 教育新知 | 2017-10-26 | 人氣:232

孩子要上國中了,父母需要做什麼準備嗎?

這其實牽涉到在他們小的時候你有多少的準備,而不是等到他要上國中了,你才來準備。

我覺得給國中生最重要的準備,是他到底了不了解他的自我標準是什麼。我們的國中最糟糕、最糟糕的一件事是,它有一個非常強大的外在標準。

我 們都很擔心,我的小孩萬一不符合這個外在標準的時候,怎麼辦?這是沒辦法解決的,因為這個外在標準不是為了這個小孩特別去量身訂做的,它是要求所有的小孩 都得這樣。如果問的是這種問題,「如何去符合外在的標準?」那是不可能解決的,因為只有一種方法,就是強迫小孩去因應外在的標準,怎麼可能不緊張?

所以,我的選擇就是在孩子很小的時候,就去幫助她清楚的知道自己的標準是什麼。這樣她會至少擁有一些力量,對於外在的標準,她會明白沒有必要一定要遵守;也清楚哪些東西是自己主動要去追求的,哪些是不用去迎合外在標準的,孩子可以自信的去分配。

一 個小孩最怕的是,因為外在的標準而使得他變得沒有自信,因為和外在標準相比,他可能都不能符合。唯一的解決方式,就是在這個外在標準之外,孩子要能真的清 楚知道,他自己是什麼。他也可以自己選擇要用什麼樣的方式,來處理外在標準,以及要處理到什麼程度。雖然同時間,他可能會面臨到老師和同學給他的壓力。

我們要讓這樣的小孩在這樣的教育體制裡面還能夠成長,就是要教他挺得住。

教小孩「挺得住」

我 在雲門舞蹈教室看到一個小孩,他到了國中三年級,還是堅持到雲門上課。學校老師打電話給雲門,要他們不要教這個小孩,因為他要考試了,不應該再去上武術 課。這小孩就說:「為什麼我要把所有的時間放在課業上,我就是準備花這麼多時間在課業上,其他的時間我要做別的事。我花了這些時間在課業上,能夠考什麼樣 的成績,這就是我的成績。」

我覺得這就是一個好棒的小孩!我希望有更多的小孩,他有這樣的空間去做這樣的決定。

所以「挺得住」的意思,就是你知道你自己想要的,壓力來的時候,你還是做你自己。

要 了解孩子究竟是任性,還是真的對一件事情能堅持到底,這就要看他在更小的時候,你到底做了多少準備。孩子覺得重要的事情,是不是會讓爸爸媽媽知道,還是爸 媽只是一直告訴他,你希望他們怎麼做。你有沒有去傾聽孩子覺得重要的事情?只有這樣,等到他長大之後,要去做某些事情的時候,父母才會清楚,這到底是他的 任性,還是真的是他想要追求的東西。

父母不能等到青少年時期,孩子要自己做決定的時候,卻沒辦法判斷,他到底真的要做什麼。

我也知道,女兒上國中了,我必須開始放手,可是我還滿放心的,因為這幾年我做得夠多,互動很多。我也滿有信心的是,當我女兒有重要的事,她會告訴我。我們不用一直拉著她的手告訴她,這些事情你要這樣做、那些事情你要這樣做,我們可以不用擔心、害怕。

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警告: Illegal string offset 'only_title' 在檔案中的第 /modules/tadnews/class/tadnews.php 列 591
通知: Uninitialized string offset: 0 在檔案中的第 /modules/tadnews/class/tadnews.php 列 591
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0.000000 - select `menuid`, `itemname`, `itemurl`, `target`, `icon`, `link_cate_name`, `link_cate_sn` from tad_themes_menu where of_level='70' and status='1' order by position
0.000000 - select `menuid`, `itemname`, `itemurl`, `target`, `icon`, `link_cate_name`, `link_cate_sn` from tad_themes_menu where of_level='71' and status='1' order by position
0.000000 - select `menuid`, `itemname`, `itemurl`, `target`, `icon`, `link_cate_name`, `link_cate_sn` from tad_themes_menu where of_level='72' and status='1' order by position
0.000000 - select `menuid`, `itemname`, `itemurl`, `target`, `icon`, `link_cate_name`, `link_cate_sn` from tad_themes_menu where of_level='73' and status='1' order by position
0.000000 - select `menuid`, `itemname`, `itemurl`, `target`, `icon`, `link_cate_name`, `link_cate_sn` from tad_themes_menu where of_level='76' and status='1' order by position
0.000000 - select `menuid`, `itemname`, `itemurl`, `target`, `icon`, `link_cate_name`, `link_cate_sn` from tad_themes_menu where of_level='82' and status='1' order by position
0.000000 - select `menuid`, `itemname`, `itemurl`, `target`, `icon`, `link_cate_name`, `link_cate_sn` from tad_themes_menu where of_level='93' and status='1' order by position
0.000000 - select `menuid`, `itemname`, `itemurl`, `target`, `icon`, `link_cate_name`, `link_cate_sn` from tad_themes_menu where of_level='77' and status='1' order by position
0.000000 - select `menuid`, `itemname`, `itemurl`, `target`, `icon`, `link_cate_name`, `link_cate_sn` from tad_themes_menu where of_level='81' and status='1' order by position
0.000000 - select `menuid`, `itemname`, `itemurl`, `target`, `icon`, `link_cate_name`, `link_cate_sn` from tad_themes_menu where of_level='86' and status='1' order by position
0.000000 - select `menuid`, `itemname`, `itemurl`, `target`, `icon`, `link_cate_name`, `link_cate_sn` from tad_themes_menu where of_level='87' and status='1' order by position
0.000000 - select `menuid`, `itemname`, `itemurl`, `target`, `icon`, `link_cate_name`, `link_cate_sn` from tad_themes_menu where of_level='88' and status='1' order by position
0.000000 - select `menuid`, `itemname`, `itemurl`, `target`, `icon`, `link_cate_name`, `link_cate_sn` from tad_themes_menu where of_level='79' and status='1' order by position
0.000000 - select `menuid`, `itemname`, `itemurl`, `target`, `icon`, `link_cate_name`, `link_cate_sn` from tad_themes_menu where of_level='78' and status='1' order by position
0.000000 - select `menuid`, `itemname`, `itemurl`, `target`, `icon`, `link_cate_name`, `link_cate_sn` from tad_themes_menu where of_level='80' and status='1' order by position
0.000000 - select `menuid`, `itemname`, `itemurl`, `target`, `icon`, `link_cate_name`, `link_cate_sn` from tad_themes_menu where of_level='102' and status='1' order by position
0.000000 - select `menuid`, `itemname`, `itemurl`, `target`, `icon`, `link_cate_name`, `link_cate_sn` from tad_themes_menu where of_level='103' and status='1' order by position
0.000000 - select `menuid`, `itemname`, `itemurl`, `target`, `icon`, `link_cate_name`, `link_cate_sn` from tad_themes_menu where of_level='104' and status='1' order by position
0.000000 - select `menuid`, `itemname`, `itemurl`, `target`, `icon`, `link_cate_name`, `link_cate_sn` from tad_themes_menu where of_level='105' and status='1' order by position
0.000000 - select `menuid`, `itemname`, `itemurl`, `target`, `icon`, `link_cate_name`, `link_cate_sn` from tad_themes_menu where of_level='106' and status='1' order by position
0.000000 - select `menuid`, `itemname`, `itemurl`, `target`, `icon`, `link_cate_name`, `link_cate_sn` from tad_themes_menu where of_level='83' and status='1' order by position
0.000000 - select `menuid`, `itemname`, `itemurl`, `target`, `icon`, `link_cate_name`, `link_cate_sn` from tad_themes_menu where of_level='84' and status='1' order by position
0.000000 - select a.*,b.slide_width,b.slide_height from tad_themes_files_center as a left join tad_themes as b on a.col_sn=b.theme_id where a.`col_name`='slide' and b.`theme_name`='school2015'
0.000000 - select `menuid`,`itemname`,`itemurl` from tad_themes_menu
0.000000 - select a.*,b.slide_width,b.slide_height from tad_themes_files_center as a left join tad_themes as b on a.col_sn=b.theme_id where a.`col_name`='slide' and b.`theme_name`='school2015'
0.000000 - select name,dirname from modules where isactive='1' and hasmain='1' and weight!=0 order by weight
總計: 150
區塊
搜尋: 沒有快取
自訂區塊(HTML): 沒有快取
跑馬燈區塊: 沒有快取
計數器: 沒有快取
好站推薦快速連結: 沒有快取
快速登入: 沒有快取
自訂頁面選單: 沒有快取
訂閱 / 取消電子報: 沒有快取
電子報一覽: 沒有快取
QR Code 區塊: 沒有快取
總計: 10
額外資訊
包含檔案: 210 檔案
使用記憶體: 5676600 bytes
計時
XOOPS 使用 1.248 秒來載入。
XOOPS Boot 使用 1.092 秒來載入。
Module init 使用 0.031 秒來載入。
XOOPS output init 使用 0.062 秒來載入。
Module display 使用 0.031 秒來載入。
Page rendering 使用 0.031 秒來載入。